On non tights-as-pants, but equally important philosophical dilemmas:
Dear Mary Kate and the young women of NYU's freshman class,
I ask that you cease and desist tying strings around your foreheads for no good reason. This goes doubly if said string is made of hair. I saw you at the Ghostland Observatory show and you looked retarded.
My mother's high school yearbook (theme: Feelin' Groovy) and Janis of Electric Mayhem want their looks back.
Like, fer sure.